[My main Tumblr can be found over at myasphyxiatedmind]
If you want your ask replied to privately, just put '****' before you start typing.
My name is: Michelle, but most people call me Dark online.
My gender-pronouns are: They/them/their.
I am: 27 years old, a feminist, an atheist, an omnivore, and an ISFJ.
The Feminist: Intersectional, body positive, pro-choice, and sex positive.
My privileged identities include: Female assigned at birth (FAAB trans* privilege), white, able-bodied, allistic (?), dyadic, monogamous.
My non-privileged/oppressed identities include: Gender-fluid, fat, gray-a, neuroatypical, and gay.
I have: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Dermatophagia, and Dermatillomania.
I like: Pets & animals, animal welfare, pet care & pet care education, ~*SCIENCE!*~, anatomy & physiology, roleplaying, anime/manga, computer & video games, rock & metal music.
Last month, Slate‘s Emily Yoffe, aka Dear Prudence, presented a far from groundbreaking solution to the rape epidemic on college campuses: Tell women to stop drinking. In a piece originally titled “The Best Rape Prevention: Tell College Women to Stop Getting So Wasted,” Yoffe explained why women’s sobriety is apparently the key to ending campus rape culture. (After much backlash, the title was changed to the patronizing “College Women: Stop Getting Drunk.”) While there is value in properly addressing the role of alcohol in sexual violence, especially on college campuses, tired, victim-blaming arguments like Yoffe’s are infuriating at worst and annoying at best.
Myriad outlets published responses to Yoffe’s piece, including the New York Times. In its Room for Debate feature, the Times presented a variety of viewpoints on the subjects of college women, rape, and alcohol. While I was pleased the paper dedicated space to such an important issue, I was disappointed when I saw the contributors—all of the people who weighed in were only either white women or Black men. This was troubling for two reasons: (1) the (very incorrect) stereotype that most rapes in the United States are committed by Black men against white women immediately came to mind; and (2) once again, the voices of women of color were excluded from the debate.
My latest piece at RHRC! Talking about my usual: rape, race, and media representation.
That’s the case with most MRAs.
Thanks for the heads up!
if you seriously cannot tell the different between “i hate the group that i am oppressing” and “i hate the group that is oppressing me” you need to sit down and shut up
"i hate trans people" is not the same as "i hate cis people"
"i hate a group of people so i’m going to kill, rape, judge, and oppress them" is not the same as "wow, i hate the group that continues to kill, rape, judge, and oppress me and people like me"
Paul Elam, the author of the above quote and one of the major voices of the men’s rights activism movement, will be featured on 20/20 today (Friday, October 18) at 10pm Eastern on ABC.
Watch it! Or don’t. Just remember that men’s rights has nothing to do with advocating for men and everything to do with heartless misogyny and advocating violence against women (and anyone else who is seen as contributing to a culture where men are brutally oppressed by a feminist shadow conspiracy).
I want to add to this that MRAs really aren’t there to help men.
I’m a Big Sister for Big Brothers Big Sisters and we run campaigns nationally every year that specifically target men to sign up to be Bigs. EVERY YEAR. Because the average wait for a girl to be matched to a female Big is 6 weeks after being enrolled. The average time for a boy to be matched with a male Big is 6 months to a year because so few men actually sign up to be mentors and many of them don’t actually complete the one year commitment to their Littles, either.
And this is a deficit that is particularly prevalent at my agency.
Mentoring a kid through a program like BBBS is one of the most rewarding things I have ever done in my life. It has also been the most challenging thing I have ever done in my life. As a Big, I have a direct impact on someone else’s life and little boys, in particular, who do not have a father figure at home benefit very strongly from having a male mentor in their life. They typically do better in school, have a better social life, and are more likely to accomplish long-term goals and take responsibility for their actions and mistakes and learn from them.
If MRAs were ACTUALLY interested in helping men and boys, they would be mentors. But instead they sit on the internet in their Fedoras and bemoan the fact that women aren’t being forced by the government to sleep with them.
(We can argue about whether having MRAs be mentors to impressionable young men is a good idea in a separate post because obviously there are better role models for young men and boys but the point still stands that there are very clear things that MRAs could do to tangibly and immediately help men and boys but instead they focus all of their time and energy denigrating rape victims, berating feminists, and whining about services that specifically serve women.)
So, instead of just hand wringing about how males are targeted and denigrated within all aspects of life, I decided one way of trying to help would be to join the Big Brother Big Sister program. The first meeting I went to explained that there are twice as many boys looking for a match than there are girls. They said it was partly because more females than males volunteer. They didn’t mention how most boys have a mother in there life but no father because of the misandric divorce courts but I digress…
Anyways, as part of the process, I had a one on one interview with a female member of the organisation to assess if I was suitable to be a Big, and if so, they wanted to know about me so they could match me with a little. I mentioned that I carry a firearm everywhere I legally can, I also wanted to know what protections were in place to protect me from unfounded accusations, and I expressed how I couldn’t be with a Little if his father had been forcibly removed from his life because of the vindictive actions of the mother. I think the final one sealed my fate however. I’m not particularly upset at being rejected because after looking into it more, the activities deemed appropriate to do with your Little seem somewhat feminine, but it just further hammers home that even when you try to help because there are boys out there screaming for some positive male role models in there lives, you’re only allowed to show them masculine things that females deem are appropriate. It just makes me sick.
Yeah, because it has nothing to do with the fact that you said you would carry a gun around the kid, or suggested you might be accused of assaulting him and that the organization would need to stand up for you, or that you don’t want to help any children whose mother is divorced. It’s just so amazing how they don’t understand how screwed up they sound to everybody else. This is perfectly reasonable to the guy and the other forum members. -_- Also, he doesn’t sound like he cares about helping boys at all. It’s all about him, his hatred of divorced mothers, his need to carry a gun, his paranoia of “unfounded accusations”, and that the organization should stand up for his ‘rights’ over those of the child. He doesn’t come off as somebody who really cares about the kid he’d be helping, just somebody who wanted to do something to make himself feel good.
It is sad though that we don’t have more men volunteering and trying to help in these programs. :( (Though, not the MRAs, they would be so toxic for the kids.)
I’m fucking blown away. Blown away. Fucking asshole MRAs.
After reading this guy’s account, I can honestly tell you that his feelings about divorce were probably NOT what sealed his fate like he thinks they did. His concerns about “false accusations” probably did but the gun thing was what thew dirt on top of that coffin.
When I was interviewing to be a Big and going through training, we were told that firearms were acceptable for Bigs to own (as long as they were registered and the Big had taken a safety course) as long as they were locked away and not brought on outings. When the agency staff comes to do a home visit, they inspect the firearm box and make sure a kid couldn’t easily open it, that it has a lock, and that all firearms are stored appropriately.
We absolutely are not allowed to have a firearm with us on outings for obvious reasons (the kids in this program could be as young as 7 years old) so the fact that he seems unwilling to comply with that rule is certainly another red flag. (Generally, you can take kids who are old enough to a shooting range as long as you get a special permission form signed by the parent).
Aside from all of that, this guy’s views about women and single moms, in general, don’t mesh with a program like BBBS. At my agency, we can’t take kids that come from households with two parents because we simply don’t have the Bigs to take them all on so only kids who live in single-parent households are matched. The majority of these children live in homes where the parent is a woman, whether it be a mother, an aunt, or a grandmother.
So, obviously, BBBS would not be a good fit for this guy and they were right to not allow him to be a Big. This was a person who was not shy about their hatred of the majority of the parents of the children he could potentially be matched with, who refused to comply with common-sense firearm policies the agency put in place for the safety of the Littles (which is the number one priority for ALL outings), and was worried that he could be “falsely accused” of harming his Little in some way and how the agency would protect HIM (the agency’s number one priority is the safety of the Littles in the program; every rule and policy Bigs have to follow are specifically laid out to protect the Littles).
Also, if BBBS had somehow allowed him through, the parent has every right to veto a Big and given this guy’s clear and obvious hatred of women, I don’t think that he would have even gotten past a match meeting (where you meet with the Big, Little, parent, and match support specialist and discuss ground rules for outings and stuff), I think the parent of any potential Little would have shut that down. After all, the point of getting your kid a Big is to give them a role model to which your child can talk to and use as a support system. I’m not sure how many parents would be okay if their son came home one day talking about bitches and misandrist cunts when referring to the girls in his classes at school.