That Feminist Dyke

elysethegorgon:

Anti-fatness is humiliating.

It makes strangers hate you. It makes people that you don’t know feel as though they’re allowed to tell your their opinions about what goes in and on your body.

When you’re a fat woman and walk into a store, a sales clerk will automatically walk up to you and say, “We don’t have a plus-size section here.” You did not come in for clothes. You came in for jewelry. You came in for shoes. You came in for a friend, a sibling, or just to walk through.

Anti-fatness causes your male friends to not date you for a variety of bullshit excuses and reasons that can range from, “I see you as a sister/just a friend/one of the guys” to “I’m just not into that.” But as soon as you show an inkling of losing weight, they’re encouraging and suddenly attracted to you.

Being fat, to some people, is enough to warrant their opinions on your body.

“You shouldn’t wear that. That’s not flattering at all.”
“That color doesn’t go with your…body type.”
“That cut’s way too low for you. Try another.”

It ranges from the gentle patronizing sales clerk to the blatant asshole waitstaff asking if you really need dessert.

And I’m fucking sick of it.

I’m sick of playing nicey-nice with the girls at the department stores. I’m sick of faux-smiling and laughing at the “helpful suggestions” of different sizes, different colors, different styles, different stores.

I’m sick of arguing with my waiter that I really do want a fucking piece of cake. I’m sick of being forced to tip this rude, intrusive asshole.

I’m sick of being praised for “healthier choices” and being psuedo-complimented.

“You’re getting a salad? Good for you!”

“Ordering water? Great. I have to stop drinking soda, too! Sooooo many calories, right?”

“It’s so good to see you working out and taking control of your health!”

“You know, you’re really pretty for a fat girl.”

“You could be a plus-size model!”

After trying on clothes that are plain street clothes: “Ooh, sexy! Go get ‘em!”

“I bet if you lost some weight, you’d be even cuter.”

Bless these know-nothing dum-dums. They think they’re being kind and supportive. They think they’re stopping me from hating myself or killing myself.

You just make me want to smother you with this “dangerous,” “evil,” “lazy,” “unhealthy,” “life-threatening” fat.

eschergirls:

“Fat For An Asian”: The Pressure To Be Naturally Perfect

I’m not fat — by American standards. I am considered slightly chubby for an Asian in China. I’m 5’1” and about 100 pounds, give or take five pounds depending on whether it’s New York Fashion Week or final exams week at Columbia. Everyone assumes I’m naturally petite because of my Asian genetics, but the truth is, I count my calories like Ebenezer Scrooge counts his gold coins and run and do yoga like Lululemon is paying me. The moment I “let myself go,” the weight bounces back.

I try not to talk about it, though, because the moment I do, someone always says, “Shut up, you’re Asian. You have genetics on your side.”

That’s the problem — Asian girls are suffering from body image issues and eating disorders because they try to hold themselves up to the expectation that Asian girls are naturally slim. In fact, in an interview with The Wall Street Journal, Diane von Furstenberg said, “It is great to design for Chinese women, because they have great bodies. They are slim and have tiny waists, so it’s nice.”

Elizabeth Harker recently wrote the most amazing piece about being a fat foreign girl in China, in which she discovered the difference betweenpang, which means fat in an almost affectionate way, and fei, which is the adjective my mother uses to describe fatty pork dishes. Asians are open to talking about weight — they’ll force-feed you when they think you’re too thin and they’ll shame you when they think you’re too fat.

When I came back from my first year of college in New York, my mother whispered to me, “You’re a little fat now.” When I fell on my butt during cheerleading practice, my dad said to me in the car, “I wonder if it’s because you’re fat for an Asian.”

The first time I realized I was “fat” for an Asian girl was when I was 10 years old, on a trip back to China to visit relatives. A distant cousin whom I had never met before grabbed my arm and said, “Hao fei,” which, roughly translated, means, “So porky.” Since that day, I stopped wearing short sleeves whenever possible because I was afraid others would notice my “porky” arms.

In Chinese culture, eating is seen as a form of affection and commitment to the family, so I always ate every meal, every single kernel of rice in my bowl. But I also felt fat and unfit to be the “perfect” Asian girl, as I compared my body to those of my fellow Asian American girl friends. When we would go out to eat and drink — a group of petite Asian girls — I knew I had to work out more and eat less the next day to make up for the amount I ingested with my friends. I’ve spent countless Friday nights in college, feeling completely inadequate because every single Asian girl I met was thin and beautiful with porcelain smooth skin, like Asian girls are supposed to be. I started to wonder if I was the only Asian girl who felt this way.

My metabolism just can’t keep up, but no one believes me.

“Asian girls eat like football players but they just don’t get fat — it’s great,” remarked a guy friend, as I picked at my spinach salad.

This past summer, over cocktails (400 calories, I counted), a fellow Asian girl confided in me, “When I was at my lowest weight, 98 pounds, I ate only two yogurts a day. I was so miserable, but I had to — how can you be Asian and not be thin?” For many Asian girls, being thin is imperative; being a fat Asian — or even an Asian of “normal” weight — basically implies you’re a glutton who managed to out eat your own superfast metabolism. To be an attractive Asian girl, being thin is supposed to be a given.

All Asian girls are supposed to look like Korean pop stars, right?! P.S. These are the Wonder Girls and I really like them.

I spent much of my life hating my body because it felt imperfect for both Asian standards and Western standards. I wasn’t skinny or tall enough to look like a fashion model or busty enough to be a swimsuit model, and I wasn’t petite and cute enough to look like a Korean pop star. As a little girl growing up in an immigrant Chinese household in America, I never thought I was pretty. I wasn’t considered beautiful in either of the two cultures I considered part of my identity. I spent the first half of my life wishing I were a beautiful white girl, and the second half of my life wishing I were a beautiful Asian girl.

My friend Elaine Low wrote an article for Mochi (an online magazine for Asian American girls) called “Diagnosing the Asian American Disorder,” which explains: “‘It’s meaningful that a white woman can turn on a TV and find a broad range of characters, but Asian Americans are portrayed the same way over and over again,’ said Dr. Teresa Mok, a clinical psychologist who treats a lot of college students. ‘For someone struggling with self-esteem issues, this reinforces the feeling of invisibility.’”

I’m aware that body image isn’t an issue specific to Asian women — but the interesting thing I’ve discovered is that being Asian — or any minority — makes you harshly critical about your own image. You don’t get to see yourself much on TV or in magazines, and when you do, you get frustrated if you don’t fit into that perfect airbrushed image.

I’ve done my best to be the perfect Asian daughter — getting straight As in high school and attending an Ivy League university, for example. I, and many of the Asian girls I’ve talked to, have expressed the pressure to be “perfect” in every single way — whether it’s because society expects you to be as the “model minority” or your parents expect you to be as the “precious daughter.” I never let myself be happy with the way I looked; after all, if I could work for perfect grades, why couldn’t I work for a perfect body?

I told a white classmate about how casual it is for Asian parents to make comments about their children’s’ weight. She frowned and said, “That would not be okay in my household. That would not go over well.” It’s a cultural disconnect I’m still trying to grapple and understand.

I don’t think I’ll ever be thin enough to satisfy my family. I don’t think I’ll ever be thin enough to satisfy society. And unless things start changing from the inside, I don’t think I’ll ever be thin enough to satisfy myself. As of right now, I’m still spending hours every week, working off the calories at the gym and measuring my portions on the kitchen scale. I’m still trying to be the perfect student, daughter, and human specimen — as futile as that may be, I feel that it is expected of me. I know all experiences — and body types — are unique and I’m not speaking on behalf of all Asian women, but I know I’m not the only one.

I wanted to reblog this because it came up in the comments of my last ED post, somebody saying that they felt a lot of pressure to be thin because they were Asian. It’s something I completely understand, though I never had to deal with that specifically since even before my ED I was what people would consider to be thin.

But the “oh you’re lucky, you’re Asian, you’re naturally thin!” thing I’ve heard a lot.  Along with “oh, you’re lucky, you’re Asian, it’ll be so easy for you to transition and be beautiful!” or the more transphobic version: “Asian men make the best women” (as an ex boyfriend told me right before I dumped him.) Or etc etc… because our media has this idea that all Asian women are thin, and feminine, and Asian trans women are cis-passing, beautiful and thin.

Even in the comments of this blog, somebody wrote that manga art was an accurate version of how Asian women look like because we all have baby faces. A Japanese pop star was offered as proof. And that’s generally, what people remember, because Asian people aren’t individuals in white western society, and we’re represented by only a select few aesthetics. So if people only see East Asian pop stars with child like faces and thin bodies, well that’s what East Asian people should look like!

Much like women, in general, in our pop media are represented by only a few body types.  And it’s an extra pressure that women of colour, and specifically, in this case, East Asian women face. And all the assumptions and non-support we get because “oh you’re Asian, you don’t need to worry about that!” or how “lucky” we are to be Asian women (cis and trans) because of the exotification and stereotypes surrounding us.

While I don’t struggle with the pressure to fit this idea that all Asian women should be skinny, I do struggle with my fear of aging and my face looking old.  I realized the other day my internalized racism, where I could see many kinds of beauty, young and old in white women’s faces, but in Asian faces, I could only see “old and wrinkly” or “young, puffy and child like”, and even though I know that’s not true, it’s just so embedded in how the society I live in views East Asian women.

And it’s obviously not just me, since as I said, I’ve had people say that, and people even comment on this blog arguing that this is the norm for East Asian women. And when you stereotype a “race” as being “naturally” like XYZ, no matter how positive XYZ is supposed to be, you’re also telling (consciously or not) every individual of that group that they need to measure up to that standard, since after all it’s how we should be “naturally.”

It also ends up creating an environment where any of the issues we face relating to the “positive” stereotype, gets erased and dismissed.  For example, the woman in the above piece had her body image issues ignored because of the idea that Asian women have hyper metabolisms and we’re always super thin. And when I was early in my transition, I faced a lot of dismissal of my fears, body issues and dysphoria by white trans and cis women because of the idea that all Asian trans women are just super beautiful and cis passing.

Nobody’s “lucky” to be trapped in a box where we can’t be individuals.

(Source: everythingbutharleyquinn)

breewriteswords:

You know what’s funny? When I go to the doctor with a problem about my health in general, I’m sometimes asked about my eating habits, but for the most part, doctors have been concerned about aspects of my lifestyle such as stress level, how much I drink/smoke, how much I sleep.

Now, I do eat very healthily, but so do a lot of people. And trust me, go to a college campus - you’ll find a lot of thin people, but you won’t find a lot of people who eat healthily.

So why do people still assume that just because you’re thin, you eat healthily?

And, because I’m not extremely thin, my weight is never considered a factor in any of my health issues.

My sister has gone to doctors with issues that have had nothing to do with her weight and doctors have still always brought it back to her weight. And they never ask her questions about other aspects of her lifestyle - just food/exercise.

One doctor has even told her she needs stomach stapling. And she has no desire to lose weight. She was not at that doctor’s office for a weight issue. She was there for a menstrual issue.

On the plus side, I can at least confidently say that my Mom’s doctor is really awesome and says that she is “perfectly healthy.” Not “perfectly healthy except for being overweight,” not “perfectly healthy despite being overweight,” just “perfectly healthy.”

I’m glad there are some good ones.

I Know You’re Mad at Chick-fil-A, But Stop Taking It Out on Fat People

by Lindy West

If you’re like me, you’re probably pretty mad at Chick-Fil-A for being a bunch of bigoted medieval anti-gay dickheads. And rightfully so. I mean, what geological epoch is this? What kind of a fucking petrified, exhumed garbage pharaoh do you have to be to maintain the drive and energy to hate gay people in 2012—let alone have the expansive, drooping ballsack to do it in public? Gay people are hella mainstream these days. Gay people are human beings and citizens and artists and doctors and parents and children and assholes and firemen and people just like the rest of us. Among forward-thinking, socially responsible folks, this is some antiquated, unacceptable shit. But you know what apparently isn’t some antiquated, unacceptable shit? Sticking up for gay people by abusing fat people. Great job, guys.

This week I started to see this image floating around Facebook and Twitter. It’s a photo of a fat woman, from behind, head cropped, ass crowding the frame, sitting on a tiny chair with the Chick-Fil-A logo stuck on the back. The caption reads:

Welcome to Chick-Fil-A, where obesity is “genetic” but being gay is a “lifestyle choice.”

Har har, said good liberals all across the internet. Har har. Good one.

Yesterday I came across a Facebook post from someone I really respect—a writer, a smart, liberal woman. She shared that old photo of Mike Huckabee’s family—you know, the one where they had the gall to let their fat bodies be photographed (Existing While Fat in the First Degree!)—and captioned it:

Mike Huckabee telling people to eat at Chick-Fil-A is just a way to support his family’s unhealthy alternative lifestyle.

Yes. Because when it comes to unrepentant bigot Mike Huckabee—a man who believes that abortion should be illegal even in cases of rape or incest, who supports the death penalty and believes we should build more prisons, who opposes gun control and stem cell research, who thinks intelligent design should be taught in schools, who has called homosexuality “an aberrant, unnatural, and sinful lifestyle” and a “dangerous public health risk,” and who thinks that AIDS patients should be put in fucking internment camps—the most despicable thing about him is obviously his love of deep-fried sandwiches.

A quick search on Twitter revealed hundreds of tweets sidelining politics to decry Chick-Fil-A supporters for their gigantic asses.

Paula Pell @perlapell To all the fat bigots who stood in line taking a stand for Chick-fil-A: I’m on to you. You were not enraged, you were just bored and hungry.

2 Aug 12

Politicolnews @Politicolnews

Eating at Chick-Fil-A increases your Belly Fat, drops your IQ, shows your a bigot. #BoycottChickFila

2 Aug 12

Scott Huff @nycHuff

I guess Chick-Fil-A Appreciation Day had a much nicer ring to it than Fat Bigot Day.

2 Aug 12

Fisher97X @TheFisherShow

Chubby Right Wingers gathered at Chick-fil-A today to eat fried fat and show support for the spread of diabetes. They called it “Wednesday”.

1 Aug 12

Tom Kidd @FabulousThomasJ

I laugh at people who say “I’m not stopping Chick-fil-A; their chicken is soo good!” Well, then, you’re a big fat stupid pig Oink-Oink-Oink!

26 Jul 12

And so on.

This whole Chick-Fil-A debacle, it seems, is all fat people’s fault. This might be a great week to be a chicken, but it’s the fucking worst week to be a fat gay guy.

In case it’s not overwhelmingly apparent, FAT PEOPLE HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH THIS. There are fat conservatives, yes. But there are also fat liberals. There are fat gay people. There are thin conservatives. There are thin fast food consumers. There are bigoted athletes. There are gay chickens. Whatever.

You guys. Just be mad at the thing you’re mad at.

Maybe you’re telling yourself, “Well, they’re not being civil, so why should I be civil?” Is that a real question? Because that’s a staggeringly effective way to get nothing done.

Or maybe you’re telling yourself, “Well, I just believe in personal responsibility, and people makechoices in their lives, and if they make the wrong choices—unhealthy choices—then they deserve to face the consequences in the court of public opinion. That’s my argument.” Except no, wait. It’s not. That’s THEIR argument. That’s the conservative bigot’s argument about gay people.

I hate to sound like a broken record here, but people. PEOPLE. It is possible to be outraged about something without taking your rage out on something else. It is possible to protest the victimization of one vulnerable group without victimizing another vulnerable group. It is possible to be kind to everyone. Or, at least, it is possible to try.

We live in a culture where bullying is both socially acceptable and state-sanctioned. And it’s that fucked-up aspect of our culture that makes Chick-Fil-A’s anti-gay bullying a legitimate political stance rather than just the ramblings of some wacko fringe pariah. Our permissiveness around bullying is what’s fueling this entire “debate.” So to fight those bullies with bullying of our own isn’t just counterintuitive—it contributes directly to the climate that keeps bigots like Chick-Fil-A above water.

Fat activist Marilyn Wann wrote the following on Facebook about that “lifestyle choice” meme:

It photoshops the Chick-Fil-A logo onto a photo that’s long been used for fat-hate purposes and then attempts to oppose gay bashing by fat bashing. Fancy. It also demonstrates some of the beliefs by which people justify their weight bigotry: being fat is a choice; being thin is a choice; anyone who chooses to be fat deserves to be reviled and punished; anyone who chooses to be thin deserves to be praised and privileged; only fat people eat fried food or fast food; eating the wrong foods causes people to be fat; only fat people are homophobes, racists; only fat people destroy the environment and only thin people care about the environment; only southerners are fat; weight prejudice is a good kind of prejudice and something to be proud of; finger pointing and yelling, “Fat!” is a good way to make a convincing argument on totally unrelated issues but especially issues of social justice or the environment.

And that’s the crux of it: No matter what you do with your life, if you are fat, people will only see fat. No matter how generous, kind, and productive you are; no matter how much you contribute to society or take care of other people; you’re just some fucking fatass whose physical laziness is only outstripped by your mental laziness. As if your butt size has some direct correlation with your moral fiber.

Really, socially responsible liberals? Is that really the message you want to align yourselves with in the name of equality?

The owners and supporters of Chick-Fil-A are people who want to strip your friends and family members of their humanity. These are proud adulterers, self-righteous divorcés, self-loathing closet-cases, and unrepentant hypocrites who want to tear families apart in the name of “preserving” families. They want to stop grieving partners from saying goodbye to their dying loved ones. They’re contributing to and vehemently defending a culture in which gay children are dying. And they’re proud of it.

And after all that, the most potent criticism you can come up with is that they’re fat? Do they have cooties, too? Come on. Try harder. I thought you guys were in it to win it.