[My main Tumblr can be found over at myasphyxiatedmind]
If you want your ask replied to privately, just put '****' before you start typing.
My name is: Michelle, but most people call me Dark online.
My gender-pronouns are: They/them/their.
I am: 27 years old, a feminist, an atheist, an omnivore, and an ISFJ.
The Feminist: Intersectional, body positive, pro-choice, and sex positive.
My privileged identities include: Female assigned at birth (FAAB trans* privilege), white, able-bodied, allistic (?), dyadic, monogamous.
My non-privileged/oppressed identities include: Gender-fluid, fat, gray-a, neuroatypical, and gay.
I have: Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Major Depressive Disorder, Dermatophagia, and Dermatillomania.
I like: Pets & animals, animal welfare, pet care & pet care education, ~*SCIENCE!*~, anatomy & physiology, roleplaying, anime/manga, computer & video games, rock & metal music.
FUCK YOU if you say this, spread this, use transparents with these three words written on them
Consent is not something to be sexualised or fetishised. That is just fucked up. Something that is sexy is optional to be included into sexual acts, consent is not optional. A person might think kink xyz is sexy, but that does not mean they have to, or are going to include kink xyz into every sexual act they ever perform. Something that is sexy can make a sexual act more enjoyable or adventurous. But that is not the role of consent. Consent is not something to be turned on by, consent is not a fantasy, consent is not a fetish, consent is not something to get off on. It is a fucking basic requirement for sex, cause without consent it is rape.
Also what is sexy or not largely depends on the individual. Different people have different preferences. But consent is not a damn preference.Unlike what is seen as sexy, which largely varies from individual to individual, consent is not a preference.
Also we don’t go around telling people that paedophilia is wrong by saying “adults are sexy”. It is absurd to sexualise adulthood only to get the point across that molesting children is wrong.
Consent is not sexy.
And saying it were is just gross gross gross fucking disgusting wrong fucked up and gross.
please note: CONSENT IS A REQUIREMENT because without consent, it is rape.
This. This whole “consent is sexy” thing pisses me right off. But the above person is far more eloquent/ better at explaining the whys than I’ve ever been able to.
Find a way of communication that works for you partner(s). If this is sign language, writing, typing, texting, or another method, work with them to learn it well. It’s important to be able to communicate to be sure everything is consenting and everyone is happy.
Don’t shame your partner(s) for their difficulty with talking. Learn about why they can’t talk. Help them in any way you can.
Invest in safe signals!
Ask them what makes them feel comfortable. Do they like it when you talk to them a lot? Do they prefer you are quiet? Is there anything you can do to make them feel more comfortable?
Learn their body language. If you aren’t sure what something they do means, ask! If they can make noises or sounds, listen closely and ask questions to be sure you can understand what the different ones mean. Pay attention and LISTEN. Just because they can’t speak verbally, doesn’t mean they don’t speak at all.